Not a horny post, sorry 🖤

This is not intended to be a depressing post or a boner-killer. I couldn’t find a more suitable place for this lol.

Truly, I just desire understanding – to be seen. You need to feel like someone wants you. I’m looking for that, but also advice, compassion. Human connection, even if it’s just the briefest comment exchange in kindred.

I understand that as a mid-20s white guy, my problems will seem trivial compared to others in the community. I know that my path is a lot easier than some others here, by default.

And yet: I still feel crushingly alone out here. I live in a decent sized midwestern city, I peruse the apps frequently, but consistently close out of them feeling empty. It’s taken me a long time to get to this level of confidence – I’ve always loved thicker men, but the qualities I am so drawn to aren’t allowed to apply to me (if you were to ask my brain).

I’ve made progress with the self-esteem bit though. I’m posting my face and body here – two things that I’ve pulverized apart for over a decade – as a way to push myself further out of my comfort zone.

I do get attention from men on the apps, but I truly am bear4bear at heart. It’s what I’m drawn to, and feel comfortable with. However – other cubs/bears at a compatible age (21-35) seem to already be shacked up, or aren’t interested, or live hundreds to thousands of miles away.

Sure, some guys have come onto my radar, but it feels like they’re very short blips, never getting the chance to become flings. It’s fucking frustrating. Maybe it’s because I have a shaved head, or I’m not sticking to the preferred Grindr script, but surely, eventually, someone will get me? It seems like being gay AND being fat is like playing a game on nightmare mode.

Do I just wander until the guy falls into my lap? I have almost no family, my job is pretty dead-end but stable, I go to and from with little variation in routine. I want to go on adventures, but doing it alone is crushing. I want a companion. How do I find that in this day and age?

Do you feel me?